I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize