Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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