My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize