Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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