At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
