Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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