In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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