i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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