I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize