70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize