genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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