just come out here and I will go home with you...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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