Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize