my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
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they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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