IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Found the puke drawer
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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