I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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