Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
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I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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