my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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