Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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