So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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