Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
In America we eat man semen.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Randomize
Follow @tfln