My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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