she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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