dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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