how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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