You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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