My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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