also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize