I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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