You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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