Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
foreskin is a definite game changer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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