So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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