Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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