things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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