my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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