Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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