So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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