You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
"it" just moved
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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