Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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