Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
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Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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