after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize