Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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