I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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