I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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