So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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