go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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