Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
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Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
whose parrot is this?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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