Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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