I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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