you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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